If I Were King Of The Insurance World

If I were King of the Insurance World, Here’s what I would do:

All teen drivers would be required to pay for their own car insurance. If they didn’t have enough money, they couldn’t drive. Parents would NOT be allowed to contribute. This would mean far fewer young drivers on the road, less accidents and deaths and I calculate the rest of us would see our rates reduce by 55%!

Obamacare would be repealed and thrown out. Instead, it would be replaced by Dalai LamaCare. That’s right. His Holiness would create a health care system that was comprehensive, popular and free. Since everyone would be meditating for 14 hours per day, there wouldn’t be enough time for anybody to get sick.

Life insurance would not be purchased… it would be earned. For every 10 hours of community service you perform, you earn 200 dollars of paid-up life insurance. Thus, if you spent 10 hours per week for 20 years performing this service, you would have a $208,000 paid-up life insurance plan. However, if during your lifetime you are ever convicted of littering, your beneficiary would change to the local animal shelter.

Insurance brokers would be replaced by electricians. This would not be a permanent change. Perhaps for one month out of the year. The chaos and havoc that would result from incorrect quotes and advice would increase consumer appreciation for brokers. Of course, during that specific month, you better hope you don’t need any electrical work done.

If I were King of the Insurance World, any property damage claim on your homeowner’s insurance would be handled by a local second-grade class. If they felt your damaged roof should be replaced by a giant trampoline, well… that’s the way it goes.

A Miss America Insurance Broker pageant would be held every June in Cincinnati. In addition to the traditional evening gown and bathing suit competitions, contestants would also be judged on how quickly they can calculate car insurance rates for a four-driver household and how quickly they could decline a life insurance application on someone taking 17 medications. If there is a tie, ex-Cincinnati mayor Jerry Springer would fly into town and crown a winner.

A new 24-hour Insurance Television Network (ITN) would be launched. Eight hours each day would be devoted to educating consumers about how to properly shop online for insurance products and tips to reduce their premiums. The other 16 hours would consist of Seinfeld reruns and local city council meetings.

A special 15% discount would apply to all auto, home, life, health and disability policies on February 29th. Although this discount would only be available every four years, a special commemorative bumper sticker would be given out to be proudly placed on the front bumper of all vehicles.

Instead of the state or federal-run health insurance “Exchanges” that may be set up in 2014, I would instead set up “Think Tanks,” which would consist of refurbished and sanitized septic tanks that are filled with sparkling imported water. Every year your policy comes up for renewal, yourself and a designated officer of your insurance company would negotiate rates inside these “Think Tanks.” Once inside, both parties remain there until a negotiated rate is agreed upon for the next policy period.

All grace periods for bills that were not paid on time would be eliminated. Instead, once a premium is more than 15 days late, pieces of furniture would be removed from your home, starting with electronic devices such as computers, cell phones and television sets.

Insurance Commissioners from each state will develop a plan to raise enough money to buy a National Football League (NFL) franchise. The team will be called the “Terminators,” and players on the team shall be selected from a national pool of underwriters that terminate the most policies. The team will rotate home games in three cities… Hershey Pa, Gary, In and Bismarck, SD.

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